thefuture.

so I got to see Jon Gosselin today and it was pretty cool. But for some reason I'm feeling like I'm in an empty void. I asked Josh if does he see us together in the future...kind of like Jon and Kate Gosselin. He goes: We'll see, I mean I don't know where I'm going for grad school yet and you don't know where you're going yet either. To me it sounds like I'm not as good as the person before me for him to make a decision that could determine the rest of his life. Either I'm not good enough (yet) or he's just unsure about himself in general. I hope it's the latter. I also miss home too. I hate the feeling. At least I'd have someone to talk to about this stuff...I mean since my sister isn't being very social with them and giving my parents such a hard time. I feel bad for them because my parents probably don't have anyone else to talk to. I can't wait to go home soon.

Extremely pensive.

I know what I want. I want to spend the rest of my life with Josh Howe. I want Josh to be close to home. I don't want him to go 2,000 miles away because I know he may meet someone who will make him so much happier. 2,000 miles means that I will only be able to see him maybe two or three times a YEAR. I also can't bear the thought of losing him to someone else...but I can't be completely optimistic and say there is noone else out there. I will have to accept that he just isn't the one for me if he does find someone else to replace me. At 2:26 during First Breath After Coma will always make me think about Josh. I will always remember my first drive away from him and realizing how much I actually cared for him. I cried the entire way home....I can't even understand how I even made it back. I guess God has a plan for me and He didn't want to get me off track. I do hope, however, that Josh does feel the same way. I hope that he doesn't intend on pulling me along a string and leaving me somewhere alone. All of the love in my heart is for him. I would never allow temptation to get in the way of that. Josh is my other half and I won't know how to function without him. If I do have to learn how to function without him, it may take some time...maybe forever. I don't know.

As the Little Things Go.

So to name the good things happening/happened today:

1. I got an 83% on my first BBH368 exam. I can memorize!
2. I got an 80% on my first Individual quiz in stat200!
3. Jon and Kate Plus 8, Secret Life of an American Teenager, AND Paranormal State are on tonight.
4. Ghosttalker's Daydream volume 3 is out tomorrow.
5. THE APPLESEED CAST IS RELEASING YET ANOTHER NEW ALBUM.

thus far, i'm happy with my performance this semester. I'm doing WAY better than last semester that's for sure. Josh got accepted to Carnegie Mellon, Berkeley, and Penn State, but i'm not sure about the other two he applied to. I'll have to wait and see. I love my Josh ♥.

Bittersweet Symphony

well my semester has started. it hasn't been overwhelming thankfully. i'm taking 19 credits so my feelings may change.

I'm hanging out with his friends more than I am with him. Believe me, I'd rather be hanging out with Josh more than anyone else in the world. I'm holding my breath everyday now with all the feelings I have. I want them to be gone, all those unhappy feelings.

I FINALLY GOT MY CDS IN THE MAIL! WHOO.
needlesstosay they`re both AMAZING. the guitars and drums...omfg...sound SO good in the first album. it almost makes me want to cry tears of joy.

happy new year.

so my fall semester turned out pretty shitty.
the rose bowl is going on and we're losing 24 to 38.
Ghosttalker's Daydream volume 3 comes out february 3, 2009 and i'm fucking excited.
I got two hamsters two nights ago and their names are Reah and Sheep.
I'm also reading Pretty Face and Strawberry 100%. I don't like Strawberry very much. okay the end.