Extremely pensive.

I know what I want. I want to spend the rest of my life with Josh Howe. I want Josh to be close to home. I don't want him to go 2,000 miles away because I know he may meet someone who will make him so much happier. 2,000 miles means that I will only be able to see him maybe two or three times a YEAR. I also can't bear the thought of losing him to someone else...but I can't be completely optimistic and say there is noone else out there. I will have to accept that he just isn't the one for me if he does find someone else to replace me. At 2:26 during First Breath After Coma will always make me think about Josh. I will always remember my first drive away from him and realizing how much I actually cared for him. I cried the entire way home....I can't even understand how I even made it back. I guess God has a plan for me and He didn't want to get me off track. I do hope, however, that Josh does feel the same way. I hope that he doesn't intend on pulling me along a string and leaving me somewhere alone. All of the love in my heart is for him. I would never allow temptation to get in the way of that. Josh is my other half and I won't know how to function without him. If I do have to learn how to function without him, it may take some time...maybe forever. I don't know.