Inside the Workings of Sony's Mind

thefuture.

2009-02-08T00:09:00.002-05:00

so I got to see Jon Gosselin today and it was pretty cool. But for some reason I'm feeling like I'm in an empty void. I asked Josh if does he see us together in the future...kind of like Jon and Kate Gosselin. He goes: We'll see, I mean I don't know where I'm going for grad school yet and you don't know where you're going yet either. To me it sounds like I'm not as good as the person before me for him to make a decision that could determine the rest of his life. Either I'm not good enough (yet) or he's just unsure about himself in general. I hope it's the latter. I also miss home too. I hate the feeling. At least I'd have someone to talk to about this stuff...I mean since my sister isn't being very social with them and giving my parents such a hard time. I feel bad for them because my parents probably don't have anyone else to talk to. I can't wait to go home soon.

Extremely pensive.

2009-02-07T01:46:00.003-05:00

I know what I want. I want to spend the rest of my life with Josh Howe. I want Josh to be close to home. I don't want him to go 2,000 miles away because I know he may meet someone who will make him so much happier. 2,000 miles means that I will only be able to see him maybe two or three times a YEAR. I also can't bear the thought of losing him to someone else...but I can't be completely optimistic and say there is noone else out there. I will have to accept that he just isn't the one for me if he does find someone else to replace me. At 2:26 during First Breath After Coma will always make me think about Josh. I will always remember my first drive away from him and realizing how much I actually cared for him. I cried the entire way home....I can't even understand how I even made it back. I guess God has a plan for me and He didn't want to get me off track. I do hope, however, that Josh does feel the same way. I hope that he doesn't intend on pulling me along a string and leaving me somewhere alone. All of the love in my heart is for him. I would never allow temptation to get in the way of that. Josh is my other half and I won't know how to function without him. If I do have to learn how to function without him, it may take some time...maybe forever. I don't know.

As the Little Things Go.

2009-02-02T16:21:00.002-05:00

So to name the good things happening/happened today:

1. I got an 83% on my first BBH368 exam. I can memorize!
2. I got an 80% on my first Individual quiz in stat200!
3. Jon and Kate Plus 8, Secret Life of an American Teenager, AND Paranormal State are on tonight.
4. Ghosttalker's Daydream volume 3 is out tomorrow.
5. THE APPLESEED CAST IS RELEASING YET ANOTHER NEW ALBUM.

thus far, i'm happy with my performance this semester. I'm doing WAY better than last semester that's for sure. Josh got accepted to Carnegie Mellon, Berkeley, and Penn State, but i'm not sure about the other two he applied to. I'll have to wait and see. I love my Josh ♥.

Bittersweet Symphony

2009-01-26T00:59:00.003-05:00

well my semester has started. it hasn't been overwhelming thankfully. i'm taking 19 credits so my feelings may change.

I'm hanging out with his friends more than I am with him. Believe me, I'd rather be hanging out with Josh more than anyone else in the world. I'm holding my breath everyday now with all the feelings I have. I want them to be gone, all those unhappy feelings.

2009-01-06T01:00:00.004-05:00

I FINALLY GOT MY CDS IN THE MAIL! WHOO.
needlesstosay they`re both AMAZING. the guitars and drums...omfg...sound SO good in the first album. it almost makes me want to cry tears of joy.

happy new year.

2009-01-01T20:30:00.001-05:00

so my fall semester turned out pretty shitty.
the rose bowl is going on and we're losing 24 to 38.
Ghosttalker's Daydream volume 3 comes out february 3, 2009 and i'm fucking excited.
I got two hamsters two nights ago and their names are Reah and Sheep.
I'm also reading Pretty Face and Strawberry 100%. I don't like Strawberry very much. okay the end.

So, finals are finally over.

2008-12-20T13:58:00.000-05:00

Okay, so I didn't do super hot this semester. In fact, this fall semester was my worst to date. I won't say anything about my grades because I'm done thinking about them. I can't change my grades now and I just hope to pull a 3.6 next semester. Maybe that'll bring my GPA back up? I really miss Josh and I want to see him soon. Oh, I got to spend some time with Sara yesterday, it was awesome :D

Unmentioned Thoughts

2008-12-14T14:16:00.000-05:00

Oh, yesterday, I came to the conclusion that Santa is indeed a stalker. Why? He knows when you're sleeping AND he knows when you're wide awake!

edits:

Change of plans! I`m comin' home on Weds. after my Genetics final! Yess. My friend informed me that I don't need to take the final if I'm satisfied with my grade. MUSIC005 is my only A class and that just works out perfectly. Thank goodness! Oh, I also spent 23$ on Nittany notes, so they better help me get a good grade on the exam.

Final exam schedule:

MON: BMB251
WED: MICRB410 & BIOL222

Six Days at the Bottom of the Ocean

2008-12-13T01:09:00.000-05:00

Yeah, I'm listening to Explosions in the Sky. I already feel like crying, so I figured, why not play a song from a band that makes you think---a band that makes all of your emotions come out. I currently have two main thoughts on my mind. I have one request and one question.

Question: Why can't I notice when my plant is growing? Why can't I see that the leaves are growing. I mean, why can't I catch the plant when the leaves are actively growing longer and longer?

Request: I want to feel special again. Why? Because I don't feel special right now.

Okay, now back to studying for finals. My final grades are going to be way below my personal standards, but what can I do? I can't cry about it...crying won't fix anything.

2008-12-12T00:50:00.000-05:00

FYI: Mom, don't call me if you don't have the energy to talk to me. Since I don't see you much I know how much it means for you to not have a meaningful conversation with me.

AND

when I'm mad at you, I will make it obvious. I don't like to talk to people who act like complete douche-bags.

Super Pensive.

2008-12-08T15:38:00.000-05:00

Wow, the band Hammock's music just makes me zone out. Their music makes me think of everything. The songs, especially, When the Sky Pours Down Like a Fountain, just sends me through a whirl of emotions---it makes me want to smile, laugh and cry at the same time. I'm feeling really pensive and hopeful about my finals. I want A's on them. I really do. I'm trying. My goal was to get myself going to class regularly again, and it's working.

I just finished working on a volunteer application for Holy Spirit Hospital and I'm about to start on one for the Hershey Medical Center. I really want to volunteer for Pinnacle Health, but they don't seem to keen on getting back to me. I really miss home and I can't wait for Winter Break. T-minus less than 2 weeks!

Yesterday I posted an apology/closing message to an old best friend. It was more of an explanation for my actions. I don't expect it to change any relationship or form a new a friendship. I just hope my message forms a closure for her so she's not left wondering or thinking something else.

Oh last night on my sims 2 game, my two grandchildren died in a fire. It was very sad :(

Movie night

2008-12-06T22:48:00.000-05:00

so I watched The Clique tonight and it was um.... interesting and I don`t have any other words to explain it. The writer of the series made 7th grade girls look like 30 year olds (which is ALMOST unrealistic) bitches AND put a more realistic girl (who dresses and acts her age) into the story. All I have to say is that looks or money can`t buy love.

I have less than 10 days before my finals. God help me.

REALLY?! ANOTHER ONE?!

2008-12-05T20:00:00.000-05:00

Seriously? MORE high school girls getting caught for some really bad stuff. SEXTING?!?! AND AND, best part is, the PARENTS are blaming THEIR high school for it. The parents bought the phones AND the girls decided to use it in a way it shouldn`t. Even more so, they're dumb enough to get caught and as punishment, got kicked off their cheersquad. Seriously, how dumb are parents becoming? TAKE responsibility for your children's actions. TEACH values. ENFORCE discipline for wrongdoing. GEEZ. how hard is it? IT`s really dumb for their parents for suing the high school for a problem they actually started.

http://a11news.com/1178/cheerleaders-sexting/

Don`t believe it? Read the story for yourselves.

Sickening

2008-12-05T11:58:00.000-05:00

Somehow I know there's a fighter beneathe these skin and bones.

So before I begin my rant, I'd like to say that I feel confident in that I can get a C in my Genetics class (Babinzke is dropping the curve lower by 2%) and a at least a C in the other class I`m struggling with. I've begun traditional Khmer dancing lessons and it`s pretty fun, but difficult.

Oh, last night my sleep was interrupted by stupid screaming from my fellow neighbor upstairs.
All I heard was: "DON'T TOUCH ME!" AND "GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY ROOM...GO HOME!" Seriously, if you have a disagreement at 3am take it somewhere else...some people like to sleep. I wanted to tell the CA on-duty, but I didn't want to wake him or her up earlier.

Begin Rant-->

http://www2.ljworld.com/news/2008/dec/05/2-teen-girls-charged-nursing-resident-abuse/

refer to news article for rest of details.

So, everyone thinks plastic, princess barbies are all perfect individuals? So the latest news about two 2008 high school graduates from Minnesota totally shatters or really, brings light to the fact that pretty, plastic girls aren't all good. I don't have time to completely rant, but seriously, PARENTS START PARENTING AND TEACH SOME GOOD VALUES. STOP BABYING YOUR KIDS AND LIVING IN NAIVITY. IF YOU DON'T TEACH YOUR CHILDREN THE VALUES OF RESPECT, WHO SAYS THEY'RE GOING TO RESPECT OTHERS? Those girls ABUSED
the ELDERLY that have ALZHEMIER'S DISEASE! How cruel can humans be? I hope those girls learn their lessons in jail and NEVER reproduce---I would feel terribly sorry for their children who have to know their mothers can't take proper care of other people. God forbid they ever become nurses upon their jailtime release....scary.

whew...

2008-12-03T00:46:00.001-05:00

currently listening to: Fork and Knife by Brand New

So at this point in time, I find myself in a position I never thought I'd end up at. I don't like nor do I approve of it happening. I find myself facing receiving my second D since 2nd grade and my first D in higher education. I think it's well-deserved because I didn't put as much time into the class as I should have done---All of my time and energy was put into organic chemistry and all I did was drop it one week before late-drop deadline. I feel like a failure to myself and to the others who have believed in me. After I realized my possible fate I didn't just become apathetic and allow it to be my fate; I've been endlessly trying to patch up my failure by redeeming myself and I'm aiming to show my professors that I can study and I am not at all the failure I feel I am.

I have changed my career interests and have almost landed where I started way back in my junior year of high school. I wanted to be an OB/GYN and that dream is too far off. However, I am going to try to come close to realizing this dream by striving at becoming a Physican's Assistant. I mean the job is recession-proof and very fulfilling. I KNOW I went from being a Nursing major to Biotechnology to Biobehavioral Health. I mean things happen for a reason and I guess this is the path that I'm going. Fuck what other people think of me. I will succeed.